Getting better at boundaries as a Mama

Thursday 12 January 2017

How are you all? I hope you’ve had a wonderful festive season and I truly hope you were able to stay calm amongst the chaos! For me, honestly, I feel like I need a holiday!

9+ people in our home, managing the needs of my own children, my step children, my husband and extended family and then trying to squish in my own needs has been without a doubt a challenge. I have learnt so many lessons about being clear in my communication over the past weeks, which many of you will know was Mercury Retrograde, which is always a prime opportunity to work on communication and to re-consider & re-think things and restore our physical selves.

I’m slowly getting more clarity on the importance of having boundaries as a mama, wife, sister, daughter and friend. As women we tend to go with the flow, to allow the needs of others, and in the case of our children this is a very natural maternal instinct, to go before our own.

As boundaries are so essential for our own self care as mothers, what are some ways we can begin to create better boundaries?

Mindset

I often talk about the first step to bringing any sort of change or new habit into daily life by working with our mindset. Setting intentions and getting clear about what we are wanting to create – how we want to feel as a result of being able to clearly articulate our own needs and boundaries. For 3 minute mediations to work on your mindset in those moments in between, check out the Mama Mindset Collection.

Organisation

We need to be organised in terms of our time. For SO long I have resisted having schedules and planners. When I worked corporate I had an assistant who managed my calendar and always left meeting preparation to the last minute! I love being spontaneous and “winging” things. However over the past 7 years I have found this a very unsupportive strategy to have with children, as children thrive on rhythm and routine. Ironically when we do have strong rhythms in place, the occasional spontaneous this or that is actually wonderful, just not everyday. For me this has meant setting firm mealtime rhythms in place (you can read more about this in the Calm & Connected Evenings E-Kit here.

Saying “No”

Being able to clearly communicate our needs is also essential. Using the word “no” more may make us feel “disagreeable” or “rude” but frankly if you aren’t going to be an advocate for your own needs, then who is?!

Sometimes it’s all those “in the moments offers” to do this and that for another, that then has us wondering afterwards where on earth we plan to find the time and energy. Get comfortable with saying “That doesn’t work for me” or “Let me have a thing about that and I’ll get back to you” rather than always feeling the need to provide an answer in the moment.

What fills our cup?

Take a moment to consider what is it that fills your cup? What enlivens your spirit and makes your soul sing? Maybe it is meditation, moments of stillness in nature, yoga, making & creating, sitting on the beach or bike riding. Whatever it is that brings you into alignment with your true spirit & allows you to shine your light brightly to others.

Once you are filled up, you are able to mother from a place of fullness – you will be able to hold it together when your children present challenging behaviour and begin to see more flow in daily life.

Have you been feeling the need to get clear on your boundaries?

I’ll no doubt be sharing more about boundaries and how we can work to incorporate our own need into daily life as a mama in the coming weeks.

Thanks for sharing this space with me.
Natalie x

P.S. If you are looking to establish a little more rhythm and flow in your evening routines after the busyness of holidays, I encourage you to check out my latest offering the Calm & Connected Evening Routines for Children E-Kit and would like to extend to the pre-launch price until the end of the weekend 15 January 2017.

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