Mamahood: My Journey (part 2)
Being a mama of one had its challenges – a little one that wouldn’t settle, endless amounts of time bouncing and rocking and singing, and generally feeling a little unorganised at home. Not to mention cracked and bleeding nipples (can we talk about that!?), leaking boobs each time a baby cried, dealing with a wardrobe of clothes that didn’t fit me and generally wondering where the girl I used to be had disappeared to?
You can relate right?
Mama of Two
2 years, 3 months later and I arrived again at the birthing alter. Mothering this next little baby, along with my toddler, began a whole new experience of motherhood.
Sleepless nights spent breasfeeding, the juggle of caring for two little ones and their emotions, a new puppy (seriously!?), cooking about 5 meals a day, cloth nappies + the endless washing pile, and on & off solo parenting as my husband travelled a lot. To top it off, creeping into bed each night as Millie was already asleep in her cot in our room, meaning I ultimately had no personal space for myself.
After 20 months I was left feeling depleted to say the least. Not only physically exhausted but also an emotional and spiritual emptiness. I lacked passion, my mindset was filled with frustration and overwhelm at where to even begin to make the changes I felt I needed to make in my life (weaning a toddler, de-cluttering our tiny home, and simply working out how to find some time for myself without feeling totally guilty by leaving my children).
Although most weekends I would get a few hours to myself, I would spend it doing things that didn’t nourish and nurture my inner world. I didn’t realise that I needed to prioritise my self care first and foremost. Most of all, I had no idea how to do this.
So what changed for me? What tipped the scales?
I still remember the first night when Millie was about 20 months old, that I woke up having what I would describe as having a panic attack. I felt so wired and awake, almost shaking as I could feel so much adrenaline pumping through me and my mind was rushing with so many thoughts. I ended up falling asleep at about 4am for about 2 hours and remember waking up wondering how on earth I was going to make Abbie lunch and get her to preschool.
A few weeks later, I broke my toe. Rather coincidental and if you’re anything like me you will know how symbolic that was. Our big toe is needed to support us as we walk – interesting that support is exactly what I was looking for in my life at that time.
Over the next 6 months I tried to work out how I could get myself out of the frustration and overwhelm. I decided that I needed to wean Millie at 22 months and began weekly kinesiology sessions. Things began to change fast, I quickly began a journey learning about metaphysics, energy, intuition, mindfulness and meditation.
Simultaneously the way in which I was able to cope with motherhood changed ten fold. Overwhelm and anxiety disappeared and I felt empowered and able to flow with life – rather than having to control it. If this sounds like something you would love to feel, read this on getting started.
Self care, mindfulness and a meditation practice has helped me feel deep fulfilment as a mama, to relax into the rhythmic world of children and surrender into the present moment.
As mama who has experienced first hand how overwhelming and busy life as a mama can be, I am so passionate about encouraging women to begin to self care.